What did I get myself into?

Is a question I've been asking myself more than once this week as I've: filled out and turned in release and health liability forms, created a website promising to raise $4400 by mid-February or paying the difference if I don't reach the hefty minimum, read past team participant's journals and blogs from previous cross-country training seasons and races, bought new winter work out clothing because all workout clothing I currently own is not even close to winter attire, already had to say no or maybe to social events because i'll be training, rearranged my school schedule so I can make it to the tuesday night track workouts after a day full of work and a 1 1/2 hour lecture for my class, wondered when i'll find time to eat dinner on those nights!, already thought about how I will dread the crazy early saturday morning carpools to the mountains....PHEW! can you see why i've been asking myself "what did i just get myself into?"

I know why I signed up for this race. I signed up because plain and simple....I need a kick in the pants in the exercise department!! Three years ago when I first joined team in training and did the first annual Nike Marathon (mind you, they changed the course after our inaugural race because it was TOO HILLY, thanks. ;) I discovered a level of fitness and motivation that I previously didn't know existed within me. After those four months of training and that race I never felt better. Needless to say, I haven't quite figured out how to keep that up consistently. Since the marathon I've done a sprint tri and 2 10k races and I work out now and then. But honestly, those didn't push me the way that I want to be pushed again. So what better way than to try a new sport!! I've always wanted to be one of those people who is dying to get to the mountain in the winter. The fact that I haven't been on downhill skis since the 8th grade and that I've never broken a bone in my life makes me a little leary of trying downhill skiing or snowboarding. So I've done my annual weekend or two in tahoe with friends to enjoy the scenery and hang out in the cabin while everyone goes to the mountain all day. I do enjoy the mountains and the fresh air and the snow (when I can leave it when the weekend is over!!;) so when I saw that TNT has a X-C ski team, well, it seemed like a logical choice...it seems a little more safe. :) Hard work? of course! but that's ok...that's what I am looking for and really, we all know that something you have to work for and dedicate a part of yourself to is worth it. We just don't appreciate things that come to us too easily the same way. I was talking to a friend this week and I asked him "what if I end up hating cross-country skiing?" He had the exact answer I was looking for...."then you suck it up and do it for a couple months and then you'll be in Alaska. No pain, no gain, TINA!"

So there..you have the answer as to why I initially decided to sign up for this crazy event...but something happened this week that shifted my motivational focus. I set up my webpage this week and sent it to everyone I knew. I was thrilled to see the initial response...$555 in the first two days!! I have a long way to go but it felt good to start strong (big thanks to you initial donors!!) In emailing with one of my donors, we were having a conversation and she tells me something I probably never would have known otherwise: "My aunt passed away 3 years ago from Leukemia, she was only 36 years old. Thank you for taking the time for others." And in that moment, I remembered the other reason that I got myself into this. This training, this race, this fundraising...while all of it seems like a personal uphill battle right now...I know that it's nothing compared to what people who have to have radiation and/or chemotherapy treatments or what someone who has to say that they lost a loved one to cancer has to deal with. I know that one person cannot save or change the world or protect everyone they love from bad things that happen in our lives. But there are all kinds of things that we can do individually and collectively that really do make a difference. This is one of those things for me. This is my way of being a part of something bigger. Because I *can* train for four months, I *can* raise the money for a good cause and I *will* fly to Alaska and finish the race distance I choose all the while keeping those people I'm honoring close to my heart.

I *cannot* do it alone...I need your help! Please donate to my fundraising efforts....if you can afford to. Any amount helps and pushes me closer to my goal. Please check with your company to see if they have a match program where they will match your donation. Please check back here often to see how my progress is going! I will try to be good about posting frequent updates! :)

Tonight begins my first of many low-key, early to bed Friday nights. Tomorrow morning is our first saturday coach's training. A hike along the SF coastal trail. I get to meet my mentor (a TNT alumn volunteering to help new participants), my coaches, my teammates, the honorees (previous or current cancer patients volunteering their time to remind us why we're there). I did the training and marathon with 2 girlfriends last time, this time I'm venturing out alone so I hope I make some new friends! There will be a potluck after the hike and a clothing and equipment clinic. I cannot wait to begin what I'm sure will be an experience of a lifetime...for better or worse, I'm in and I'm committed for the next 4 months. I decided to start this blog so that those who are interested can join me on the journey. All board!! :)